At the Podium with Ease:
Coming to Grips with Glossophobia
Written By: C. Williams
As you walk to the front of the room, your heart begins to pound heavily in your chest. The walls and ceiling seem to be closing in around you. Where there was air only moments before, you can hardly breathe as your pulse quickens and a river of sweat flows down the small of your back. Could you be having a heart attack? If you’re not at the dentist office or meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time, chances are it has nothing to do with your de facto cardio muscle. In fact, you are most likely suffering from one of the world’s most common fears…the big, the bad, the bold, glossophobia. Otherwise known as the fear of public speaking, glossophobia (glosso means tongue and phobia means fear, in Greek) is believed to be the single most common phobia, affecting as much as 75% of all people.
What is glossophobia?
Although it might sound like a hip new dance move, glossophobia is far from fun. This widespread issue is actually considered a social anxiety disorder (SAD). According to the Social Phobia/Social Anxiety Association, a social anxiety is an experience of fear, apprehension or worry regarding social situations and being evaluated by others. Everyone varies in how they experience anxiety in this way. Situations that trigger a response also vary from person to person. Anxieties about public speaking or presenting in front of a group are very common SADs.
So, do you have glossophobia?
Let’s find out. A person living with glossophobia will have extreme anxiety immediately before, days ahead or even just thinking about having to verbally communicate in front of a group of people. It’s called stage fright, even though some individuals are able to dance or perform in public without any onset of an attack. Speaking is what seems to get the best of them. So if you find yourself hyperventilating and overwhelmed with anxiety at the thought of standing at a podium, you could very well have glossophobia. Other symptoms include avoiding events where the attention might shift directly to you or an onset of panic or nausea in such circumstances. You might even find yourself stuttering or completely unable to speak. And no, sign language and mime are not viable alternatives. It’s important to determine whether or not you have this phobia, get to the heart of the matter and implement solutions to overcome your fear once and for all. To work towards a solution, you need to find out why you have stage fright. Read on.
What causes glossophobia?
Because people have various reasons why they dread speaking in public, there are many possible causes of glossophobia. It can be as simple as the fear of presenting poorly to something more complex like a single traumatic event. For instance, maybe you spoke in front of a classroom of kids as a child and they laughed at the way you were dressed. Or maybe you had a presentation not go as well as expected. These circumstances may have created an ongoing apprehension about public speaking – causing you to avoid the podium or stage at all costs. Over time this can lead to a severe case of glossophobia. On the flip side, glossophobia may also have no specific cause, as some people fear anything unpleasant – which includes speaking in front of an audience.
How do you overcome glossophobia?
Fear is a normal, natural and important part of human nature, working as a built-in defense mechanism. It is the emotion that alerts us to dangerous and precarious situations, and helps us to protect ourselves. For that reason, you should never feel ashamed or less of a man for having occasional bouts of fear. You can actually make fear work for you. When fear sets in, so does adrenalin. Adrenalin can be used as energy to overcome glossophobia. It is definitely mind over matter and here’s how it works. First, admit that you have a problem. Don’t make excuses or apologize for your nervousness or fear. Next, tap the energy that comes from your fear of public speaking. Always be aware of your breathing. Never allow it to become too rapid or too shallow. You’ll want to adopt a positive outlook and always exude confidence. Remember that you have something very worthwhile to say and that your audience is interested. They are not there to judge or condemn you. And finally, establish some type of warm-up routine before a speaking engagement. You might try a few simple exercise movements such as shoulder shrugs and curls. Or opt for meditation. There are some great books out there on the topic.
When should you call in the pros?
Having a fixated and obsessed fear of speaking can significantly and adversely affect a person’s life. That’s why you should seek treatment if you believe that you have a severe case of glossophobia, one that you can’t overcome on your own. Professional treatments for glossophobia include hypnotherapy, prescribed medications and cognitive behavioral therapy. You can also enlist the services of a professional association such as Toastmasters International, a non-profit organization that helps people to develop public speaking and leadership skills.
Whether you are able to conquer it on your own or with the help of a specialist, once under control you can put glossophobia in perspective and eventually out of your life for good. Just imagine how great it will feel to stand at the podium with ease! Good luck!
Tuesday, October 23, 2007
A Love for Good Queen Bess
Reign – Elizabeth I, Queen of England (1558-1603)
When Elizabeth succeeded the throne, she was presented with the daunting task of repairing a divided country. Strong in demeanour and will, she had been properly prepared to tackle the challenges that would arise during her illustrious time on the throne. Elizabeth immediately assembled a loyal political administration, including nine Privy Councillors. The key appointment was Sir William Cecil as Principal Secretary. This was the beginning of a successful partnership that would endure for thirty-eight years of Elizabeth’s reign.
In one of the first meetings of Parliament, Elizabeth sought to restore Protestantism with the 1559 Acts of Supremacy and Uniformity. Her goal was to refrain from the extreme Protestantism as seen during Edward’s reign or the rigid Catholicism of Mary’s. Elizabeth sought a middle ground, expanding the Church’s ideologies to include the majority of her subjects. With the creation of the New Prayer Book, diverse spiritual needs were met. Although Elizabeth transformed England into a liberal religious state, she could never forgive the Roman Catholic Church for labelling her a ‘bastard’. As a result, many plots to murder Elizabeth were devised. All failed miserably.
Elizabeth managed to overcome all adversaries. Her reign in fact is considered one of England’s most notable periods, dubbed the Elizabethan or Golden Age. The era was decorated with the great figures of literature, drama, art and exploration with the work William Shakespeare, Sir Francis Drake, Edmund Spenser and Sir Walter Raleigh. England rose to defy the stealthiest European powers and positioned itself as a resolute political nation.
Although everyone assumed Elizabeth would marry and produce an heir to the English throne, she remained a “Virgin Queen.” Despite her many suitors, including King Phillip II of Spain and Robert Dudley, she remained unmarried and childless. This sparked great concern among her advisors, as Mary Queen of Scots was a likely successor. Her Catholicism was a major threat to England and, as such, she was taken prisoner for 19 years under Elizabeth’s reign. In 1587, Elizabeth’s counsellors finally convinced her to execute Mary on charges that she had plotted to overtake the throne.
Elizabeth managed to keep England at peace for nearly 30 years, despite the country being at war with France at the onset of her succession; an unfortunate circumstance of her half-sister’s reign. With the execution of Mary Queen of Scots, Spain emerged as England’s greatest enemy. Under Elizabeth’s rule, the English navy was encouraged to raid Spanish shipping vessels and demolish Spanish monopolies. This outraged Phillip, who launched the Spanish Armada in 1559 in retaliation to the English. A Catholic uprising against a Protestant England, the Armada was eventually defeated by Elizabeth’s powerful Royal Navy.
After the Armada, Elizabeth’s general popularity began to suffer as she grew increasingly out of touch with her subjects. Elizabeth died at Richmond Palace on 24 March 1603, leaving behind a rich and prosperous country. She was succeeded by the Protestant James VI of Scotland, son of Mary Queen of Scots, who later became King James I of England.
Elizabeth had been dedicated to her country during her ruling days, quite unlike any other monarch in English history. She ruled with a firm hand, yet with a gentle heart leaving behind an endearing legacy that has placed her among the greatest of all historical figures.
When Elizabeth succeeded the throne, she was presented with the daunting task of repairing a divided country. Strong in demeanour and will, she had been properly prepared to tackle the challenges that would arise during her illustrious time on the throne. Elizabeth immediately assembled a loyal political administration, including nine Privy Councillors. The key appointment was Sir William Cecil as Principal Secretary. This was the beginning of a successful partnership that would endure for thirty-eight years of Elizabeth’s reign.
In one of the first meetings of Parliament, Elizabeth sought to restore Protestantism with the 1559 Acts of Supremacy and Uniformity. Her goal was to refrain from the extreme Protestantism as seen during Edward’s reign or the rigid Catholicism of Mary’s. Elizabeth sought a middle ground, expanding the Church’s ideologies to include the majority of her subjects. With the creation of the New Prayer Book, diverse spiritual needs were met. Although Elizabeth transformed England into a liberal religious state, she could never forgive the Roman Catholic Church for labelling her a ‘bastard’. As a result, many plots to murder Elizabeth were devised. All failed miserably.
Elizabeth managed to overcome all adversaries. Her reign in fact is considered one of England’s most notable periods, dubbed the Elizabethan or Golden Age. The era was decorated with the great figures of literature, drama, art and exploration with the work William Shakespeare, Sir Francis Drake, Edmund Spenser and Sir Walter Raleigh. England rose to defy the stealthiest European powers and positioned itself as a resolute political nation.
Although everyone assumed Elizabeth would marry and produce an heir to the English throne, she remained a “Virgin Queen.” Despite her many suitors, including King Phillip II of Spain and Robert Dudley, she remained unmarried and childless. This sparked great concern among her advisors, as Mary Queen of Scots was a likely successor. Her Catholicism was a major threat to England and, as such, she was taken prisoner for 19 years under Elizabeth’s reign. In 1587, Elizabeth’s counsellors finally convinced her to execute Mary on charges that she had plotted to overtake the throne.
Elizabeth managed to keep England at peace for nearly 30 years, despite the country being at war with France at the onset of her succession; an unfortunate circumstance of her half-sister’s reign. With the execution of Mary Queen of Scots, Spain emerged as England’s greatest enemy. Under Elizabeth’s rule, the English navy was encouraged to raid Spanish shipping vessels and demolish Spanish monopolies. This outraged Phillip, who launched the Spanish Armada in 1559 in retaliation to the English. A Catholic uprising against a Protestant England, the Armada was eventually defeated by Elizabeth’s powerful Royal Navy.
After the Armada, Elizabeth’s general popularity began to suffer as she grew increasingly out of touch with her subjects. Elizabeth died at Richmond Palace on 24 March 1603, leaving behind a rich and prosperous country. She was succeeded by the Protestant James VI of Scotland, son of Mary Queen of Scots, who later became King James I of England.
Elizabeth had been dedicated to her country during her ruling days, quite unlike any other monarch in English history. She ruled with a firm hand, yet with a gentle heart leaving behind an endearing legacy that has placed her among the greatest of all historical figures.
Monday, July 2, 2007
Recently Published Article
Here is an article that I recently had published in Preferred Homes magazine (http://www.preferredhomesmagazine.com/):
Summer Getaways
Top Hot Spots for 2007
By Crystal Williams, Freelance Writer
Hard to believe, but summer is just around the corner. It’s the time of year when millions of Americans take a break from their hectic schedules to relax and enjoy a little time away. If you are planning a summer vacation, whether it be with the kids, alone as a couple or to catch up with old friends, you might be wondering where to go, what to see and how to save money in the process.
For a guaranteed good time, the American Society of Travel Agents (ASTA) reports that domestically Orlando, Las Vegas, New York City and Honolulu are this year’s top summer destinations, while internationally Italy, the United Kingdom and Mexico claim the top spots.
Here’s a closer look at what’s hot in summer travel for 2007:
Destination Europe
Rolling hills, sprawling vineyards, rustic landscapes…Europe is a majestic summertime destination, built on one of the best tourism infrastructures in the world. “Europe is VERY strong for summer 2007 with Italy topping nearly everyone’s list. Specialty land tours, including cooking classes in Tuscany are very popular,” says SueAnn Pohl, President of the Travel Center of Huntington Beach.
Eileen Gauthier, a 28-year veteran of the travel industry and a Certified Travel Agent with All Ways Travel of Mission Viejo, agrees. “The top summer vacations for 2007 continue to see strong interest in Europe, both with and without children. Europe is always a strong draw, and couples and families have responded to the interest through movies featuring Italy, in particular,” comments Gauthier.
London, with its rich history and imperial charm, grabs the spotlight as ASTA’s top international city. With Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace and the London Eye, London is home to a vast array of historical and modern attractions. Rounding out the list of popular European cities are Rome and Paris, known for sensational dining, lovely countryside motoring and non-stop events ranging from outdoor theater and music festivals to special exhibitions and one-of-a-kind shows.
Closer to Home
In the United States, Florida has always been a popular destination for vacationers. Cities such as Orlando, Miami, Ft. Lauderdale and Tampa, offer family-friendly attractions, romantic retreats and opportunities for friends to learn a new skill or activity such as dancing the Tango or climbing a rock wall.
There’s also much to do in Nevada and New York, where entertainment and a lavish nightlife never go out of style. A few of New York’s attractions include Broadway, the infamous Apollo Theater and the universally recognized Statue of Liberty. Likewise, aside from miles of casino action, Nevada is also the place to find a jackpot of family fun with M&M World, Red Rock Canyon and the 1,150-foot Stratosphere Tower extending high above the Vegas Strip.
Looking for a unique alternative? Well, the world’s largest resort casino isn’t located in Las Vegas. It’s actually Foxwoods, nestled in the heart of Connecticut. Founded by the Mashantucket Pequot tribe, more than 40,000 guests visit Foxwoods each day to try their luck at the casino’s 7,400 slot machines, hundreds of dynamic game tables, horseracing, poker, bingo and Keno. But gambling action isn’t all that Foxwoods has to offer. The resort and entertainment complex is home to three magnificent hotels, endless dining options, a new two-story arcade for children and teens and the Foxwoods Arena featuring live boxing events. Foxwoods motto, “For the Wonder of it All” sums up a visit to this popular Connecticut attraction.
Cruisin’ Away
In the mood for cruisin’? Today there are an endless assortment of cruises designed to suit all budgets and meet every interest. “You just can’t beat cruising for excellent value and the ability to please the entire family. Cruise lines have thought of virtually everything that you could want in a vacation and have incorporated it into the cruise experience,” comments Patti Carter, Branch Manager of Fullerton’s World View Travel. Some cruises feature concerts, mini theme parks, sports tournaments and supervised programs for young children. Once again, experts claim that the best can be found in Europe, with river cruising a growing trend. Other great cruise deals are Alaska, and island destinations such as Hawaii and the Caribbean.
And what’s the word on saving a few dollars? Carter explains that most of her clientele is fairly affluent and used to the finer things in life. However, they still seek out value when booking their vacations. She recommends confirming that an agency is affiliated with a network of upscale travel suppliers, as this enables them to secure special pricing and added amenities on a variety of arrangements. Hiring a car and driver to handle individual touring requests, while it may appear expensive, can actually save money by ensuring visits that are as long or short as the traveler wishes, without traveling on large coaches and using up precious vacation time sticking to a schedule developed for the masses instead of tailored to individual requests.
Location can also stretch the travel budget. According to Gauthier, the hottest summer deals include far away destinations such as Australia and New Zealand, since our summertime is their cooler, winter months—offering lower air fares and better hotel pricing.
For popular destinations, experts agree that it is best to book your vacation early and with the help of a qualified travel agent. “Developing a mutually respectful relationship with an experienced agent offers travelers the benefit of years of experience and places their vacation in the hands of a professional who is looking out for their best interests. Especially if time is limited, use an agent,” suggests Pohl.
Another important tip for having a great summer vacation is not to get too carried away or overdo it. Relish the carefree, lazy days of summer, because before you know it, they’ll be gone.
Have fun and don’t forget your camera!
Summer Getaways
Top Hot Spots for 2007
By Crystal Williams, Freelance Writer
Hard to believe, but summer is just around the corner. It’s the time of year when millions of Americans take a break from their hectic schedules to relax and enjoy a little time away. If you are planning a summer vacation, whether it be with the kids, alone as a couple or to catch up with old friends, you might be wondering where to go, what to see and how to save money in the process.
For a guaranteed good time, the American Society of Travel Agents (ASTA) reports that domestically Orlando, Las Vegas, New York City and Honolulu are this year’s top summer destinations, while internationally Italy, the United Kingdom and Mexico claim the top spots.
Here’s a closer look at what’s hot in summer travel for 2007:
Destination Europe
Rolling hills, sprawling vineyards, rustic landscapes…Europe is a majestic summertime destination, built on one of the best tourism infrastructures in the world. “Europe is VERY strong for summer 2007 with Italy topping nearly everyone’s list. Specialty land tours, including cooking classes in Tuscany are very popular,” says SueAnn Pohl, President of the Travel Center of Huntington Beach.
Eileen Gauthier, a 28-year veteran of the travel industry and a Certified Travel Agent with All Ways Travel of Mission Viejo, agrees. “The top summer vacations for 2007 continue to see strong interest in Europe, both with and without children. Europe is always a strong draw, and couples and families have responded to the interest through movies featuring Italy, in particular,” comments Gauthier.
London, with its rich history and imperial charm, grabs the spotlight as ASTA’s top international city. With Big Ben, Westminster Abbey, Buckingham Palace and the London Eye, London is home to a vast array of historical and modern attractions. Rounding out the list of popular European cities are Rome and Paris, known for sensational dining, lovely countryside motoring and non-stop events ranging from outdoor theater and music festivals to special exhibitions and one-of-a-kind shows.
Closer to Home
In the United States, Florida has always been a popular destination for vacationers. Cities such as Orlando, Miami, Ft. Lauderdale and Tampa, offer family-friendly attractions, romantic retreats and opportunities for friends to learn a new skill or activity such as dancing the Tango or climbing a rock wall.
There’s also much to do in Nevada and New York, where entertainment and a lavish nightlife never go out of style. A few of New York’s attractions include Broadway, the infamous Apollo Theater and the universally recognized Statue of Liberty. Likewise, aside from miles of casino action, Nevada is also the place to find a jackpot of family fun with M&M World, Red Rock Canyon and the 1,150-foot Stratosphere Tower extending high above the Vegas Strip.
Looking for a unique alternative? Well, the world’s largest resort casino isn’t located in Las Vegas. It’s actually Foxwoods, nestled in the heart of Connecticut. Founded by the Mashantucket Pequot tribe, more than 40,000 guests visit Foxwoods each day to try their luck at the casino’s 7,400 slot machines, hundreds of dynamic game tables, horseracing, poker, bingo and Keno. But gambling action isn’t all that Foxwoods has to offer. The resort and entertainment complex is home to three magnificent hotels, endless dining options, a new two-story arcade for children and teens and the Foxwoods Arena featuring live boxing events. Foxwoods motto, “For the Wonder of it All” sums up a visit to this popular Connecticut attraction.
Cruisin’ Away
In the mood for cruisin’? Today there are an endless assortment of cruises designed to suit all budgets and meet every interest. “You just can’t beat cruising for excellent value and the ability to please the entire family. Cruise lines have thought of virtually everything that you could want in a vacation and have incorporated it into the cruise experience,” comments Patti Carter, Branch Manager of Fullerton’s World View Travel. Some cruises feature concerts, mini theme parks, sports tournaments and supervised programs for young children. Once again, experts claim that the best can be found in Europe, with river cruising a growing trend. Other great cruise deals are Alaska, and island destinations such as Hawaii and the Caribbean.
And what’s the word on saving a few dollars? Carter explains that most of her clientele is fairly affluent and used to the finer things in life. However, they still seek out value when booking their vacations. She recommends confirming that an agency is affiliated with a network of upscale travel suppliers, as this enables them to secure special pricing and added amenities on a variety of arrangements. Hiring a car and driver to handle individual touring requests, while it may appear expensive, can actually save money by ensuring visits that are as long or short as the traveler wishes, without traveling on large coaches and using up precious vacation time sticking to a schedule developed for the masses instead of tailored to individual requests.
Location can also stretch the travel budget. According to Gauthier, the hottest summer deals include far away destinations such as Australia and New Zealand, since our summertime is their cooler, winter months—offering lower air fares and better hotel pricing.
For popular destinations, experts agree that it is best to book your vacation early and with the help of a qualified travel agent. “Developing a mutually respectful relationship with an experienced agent offers travelers the benefit of years of experience and places their vacation in the hands of a professional who is looking out for their best interests. Especially if time is limited, use an agent,” suggests Pohl.
Another important tip for having a great summer vacation is not to get too carried away or overdo it. Relish the carefree, lazy days of summer, because before you know it, they’ll be gone.
Have fun and don’t forget your camera!
It's Been Awhile
Okay, okay. It's been awhile since I left my last post. You know how life can be; throwing you twists and turns just when you think you've finally found the easy road. That happened to me back in April. One of my boys fell ill (really ill) and was in the hospital for a month. Thirty days! Poor guy. But he is doing much better now. So I'm back at it. Hopefully these posts will become a little more regular now.
See you on the flipside!
See you on the flipside!
Sunday, March 25, 2007
Sunday...Boring, Sunday?
While conducting research for stories and books, I often uncover interesting facts and insightful tidbits from around the globe – some are unheard of, others shouldn't be heard of. So if you're sitting there wondering what to do on a long Sunday afternoon, I invite you to test your knowledge bank with these off-the-wall trivia questions. Have fun!
1) Other than a cow, name four animals that give milk.
2) What did the founder’s of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream originally plan to sell when they decided to go into business together?
3) The 20th amendment of the US Constitution if often referred to as the “____________” Amendment. Really, it’s nothing to quack about.
4) What does the word rot mean on a bottle of German wine?
5) This breed of dog, which originated in Ireland, possesses a curly coat that that may be any of several shades of blue.
6) What was the first raw commodity sold under a brand name? Clue: It’s still on store shelves.
7) What language is spoken by the Walloons in Belgium?
8) According to etiquette experts, what is the proper distance between two people engaged in conversation?
9) What creature can live nine days without its head?
10) There are “________” (number) ways to make change for a US dollar.
11) What soft drink was originally green?
12) What is the only US-based TV show that does not have a theme song?
1) Other than a cow, name four animals that give milk.
2) What did the founder’s of Ben & Jerry’s ice cream originally plan to sell when they decided to go into business together?
3) The 20th amendment of the US Constitution if often referred to as the “____________” Amendment. Really, it’s nothing to quack about.
4) What does the word rot mean on a bottle of German wine?
5) This breed of dog, which originated in Ireland, possesses a curly coat that that may be any of several shades of blue.
6) What was the first raw commodity sold under a brand name? Clue: It’s still on store shelves.
7) What language is spoken by the Walloons in Belgium?
8) According to etiquette experts, what is the proper distance between two people engaged in conversation?
9) What creature can live nine days without its head?
10) There are “________” (number) ways to make change for a US dollar.
11) What soft drink was originally green?
12) What is the only US-based TV show that does not have a theme song?
Thursday, March 15, 2007
The Humanities Totem Triptych Interpretation
Song of Illusion
Ear surrender to the music of the mind, as an untamed melody unfolds.
It is the air of wild embodiment that whispers to the soul.
No eyes to see, nor heart to feel yet the song of illusion cries.
Transcending back, oh feet dance mad to the tune of time’s disguise.
Grim hands bent taut pluck instrument strings, smile of ivory accord.
Mute spirits rest in bottles heed the strum of each new chord.
Stone chorus perched on trunk sing rash, celebration of buoyant rage.
Wicked manner devoid of defenses steps bold onto journey’s stage.
An artist of clay, an audience of essence, symbols of vast devotion.
Neither earth nor all her indifferences shall suppress unguarded emotion.
When moment passes and silence returns, brittle bones will take a seat.
A tale amidst old wine and dust, life’s work is now complete.
http://www.swartzentruber.com/13-arts-humanities-liberal-arts.htm
Ear surrender to the music of the mind, as an untamed melody unfolds.
It is the air of wild embodiment that whispers to the soul.
No eyes to see, nor heart to feel yet the song of illusion cries.
Transcending back, oh feet dance mad to the tune of time’s disguise.
Grim hands bent taut pluck instrument strings, smile of ivory accord.
Mute spirits rest in bottles heed the strum of each new chord.
Stone chorus perched on trunk sing rash, celebration of buoyant rage.
Wicked manner devoid of defenses steps bold onto journey’s stage.
An artist of clay, an audience of essence, symbols of vast devotion.
Neither earth nor all her indifferences shall suppress unguarded emotion.
When moment passes and silence returns, brittle bones will take a seat.
A tale amidst old wine and dust, life’s work is now complete.
http://www.swartzentruber.com/13-arts-humanities-liberal-arts.htm
Tuesday, March 13, 2007
Can People Change...?
Can people change? If there was ever a million dollar question, this is the one. It’s been asked time and time again for as long as there has been a social aspect among human beings. But how close are we to having a definitive answer? Is there any solid proof that people are capable of such a large undertaking? As far as I can tell, we are no closer to knowing the truth about change than we are to knowing the reality of our existence. Seriously, human nature is a profoundly deep subject matter that often leaves us empty-handed and wondering.
And recently I’ve been doing just that – a lot of wondering, or maybe pondering is a better word, over the topic of change. I’m not a psychologist or an MD, but I have spent an inordinate amount of time over the years observing people. If you have never sat and just casually examined people before, I highly recommend it. It’s absolutely fascinating to watch the human race interact. From my observations, I have come up with a theory. I believe that once a person has developed certain passions or behavioral traits, they are absolutely unable to change. There is no grey area or shadow of a doubt…just an inability to fully remove the basic building blocks that make each one of us unique. Remember the old saying “You can take the girl out of the city, but you can’t take the city out of the girl?” Or what about, “Boys will be boys…” You get the idea.
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) hit the nail on the head. They don’t boast about helping people change. Their protocol is that once an alcoholic has been sober for a period of time, they are considered a recovering alcoholic. But true to their nature, they stand behind the ‘once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic’ philosophy. According to AA, there is no way to make a ‘normal’ drinker out of an alcoholic. Nor is there any way to make a non-alcoholic into an alcoholic. Imagine. The best minds in the world have whittled away at the concept of change for centuries, but it took a little non-profit to figure it out.
At this point, you must be thinking that I have little faith in humanity. And that’s okay. But let me explain why I believe that change is an impossible feat for common man. It all starts with the very definition of the word ‘change’, which is to ‘become different in essence; losing one's or its original nature’. It’s kind of like when the Coca-Cola Company launched their New Coke brand back in 1984, insisting that they had changed the formula of the drink to better appeal to consumers. We all know that it had nothing to do with pleasing people and other than a public backlash, what really changed? New Coke still looked like the original Coke, tasted virtually the same as the original drink and exhibited the same Coca-Cola corporate image. So, again what changed? The truth is, not much. It was still Coca-Cola.
You see, people may want to change or they think that they have changed. But somewhere deep inside they are still left with these minuscule pieces of who they were before the so-called transformation. What I believe to be the truth is that people can adapt or mold themselves to a particular situation or a time in their lives. They can also have a change of heart or change their opinion or outlook on something. We are all entitled to our opinion, right? Well, as human beings, we are also entitled to change that opinion at anytime, day or night without warning. Women do this best, but that’s another story for another time.
Religion is often unwillingly dragged into the debate, but since I consider myself to be a self-proclaimed ‘believer in only those things that can be proven through science’ (And no, I am not a Tom Cruise crony.), I fail to see how religion plays any part at all. Other than Coca-Cola, change is for inanimate objects; not creatures that live and breathe life and hold onto memories. Therefore, religion should remain independent of change; because what it boils down to is adaptation and perception.
People can adapt to certain situations and their perception of others can change. But when all is said and done, people cannot change the very essence of who they are. There will always be temptation, and there will always be the inner knowledge of past experiences and actions, which prey on the ability to change. That’s why people rely on the alternatives, adaptation and perception, without even realizing that they are doing so.
Here are two examples. The first is your classic habitual liar. Despite endless attempts to tell the truth, this type of individual will always be tempted to lie and will at some point succumb to deceit again. For them, it’s the easier and more familiar path to take. The second example is the unfaithful spouse who makes an eternal promise to stop cheating. Given the right opportunity and presented with the right person, they may one day find that they are attracted again - physically or emotionally – to someone other than their wife or husband. Both personas are unable to change based on past experiences or behaviors. What they do is adapt to circumstances, whether it is an ultimatum given to a spouse who commits infidelity or a parent’s threat in the case of a teenager who lies continuously. Hostility and doubt are being cast at them from all directions. In response, they may take on a quieter tone, become eager to please or want to constantly interact with the individual that they have disappointed. In turn, this may or may not change the other person’s perception of them.
Confusing, but it does make sense. Change is inevitable and ever-present. But if you are convinced that you can change a person or that a person will change for you, think again. It’s not going to happen anytime soon. My best advice. Do your homework before becoming seriously involved with or marrying someone, hiring someone, engaging into a friendship with someone and so on. I said I would never do this, but I have to give props to Forest Gump. He said it best. “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get.” Just make sure that when you unwrap it, you don’t want to change it.
And recently I’ve been doing just that – a lot of wondering, or maybe pondering is a better word, over the topic of change. I’m not a psychologist or an MD, but I have spent an inordinate amount of time over the years observing people. If you have never sat and just casually examined people before, I highly recommend it. It’s absolutely fascinating to watch the human race interact. From my observations, I have come up with a theory. I believe that once a person has developed certain passions or behavioral traits, they are absolutely unable to change. There is no grey area or shadow of a doubt…just an inability to fully remove the basic building blocks that make each one of us unique. Remember the old saying “You can take the girl out of the city, but you can’t take the city out of the girl?” Or what about, “Boys will be boys…” You get the idea.
Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) hit the nail on the head. They don’t boast about helping people change. Their protocol is that once an alcoholic has been sober for a period of time, they are considered a recovering alcoholic. But true to their nature, they stand behind the ‘once an alcoholic, always an alcoholic’ philosophy. According to AA, there is no way to make a ‘normal’ drinker out of an alcoholic. Nor is there any way to make a non-alcoholic into an alcoholic. Imagine. The best minds in the world have whittled away at the concept of change for centuries, but it took a little non-profit to figure it out.
At this point, you must be thinking that I have little faith in humanity. And that’s okay. But let me explain why I believe that change is an impossible feat for common man. It all starts with the very definition of the word ‘change’, which is to ‘become different in essence; losing one's or its original nature’. It’s kind of like when the Coca-Cola Company launched their New Coke brand back in 1984, insisting that they had changed the formula of the drink to better appeal to consumers. We all know that it had nothing to do with pleasing people and other than a public backlash, what really changed? New Coke still looked like the original Coke, tasted virtually the same as the original drink and exhibited the same Coca-Cola corporate image. So, again what changed? The truth is, not much. It was still Coca-Cola.
You see, people may want to change or they think that they have changed. But somewhere deep inside they are still left with these minuscule pieces of who they were before the so-called transformation. What I believe to be the truth is that people can adapt or mold themselves to a particular situation or a time in their lives. They can also have a change of heart or change their opinion or outlook on something. We are all entitled to our opinion, right? Well, as human beings, we are also entitled to change that opinion at anytime, day or night without warning. Women do this best, but that’s another story for another time.
Religion is often unwillingly dragged into the debate, but since I consider myself to be a self-proclaimed ‘believer in only those things that can be proven through science’ (And no, I am not a Tom Cruise crony.), I fail to see how religion plays any part at all. Other than Coca-Cola, change is for inanimate objects; not creatures that live and breathe life and hold onto memories. Therefore, religion should remain independent of change; because what it boils down to is adaptation and perception.
People can adapt to certain situations and their perception of others can change. But when all is said and done, people cannot change the very essence of who they are. There will always be temptation, and there will always be the inner knowledge of past experiences and actions, which prey on the ability to change. That’s why people rely on the alternatives, adaptation and perception, without even realizing that they are doing so.
Here are two examples. The first is your classic habitual liar. Despite endless attempts to tell the truth, this type of individual will always be tempted to lie and will at some point succumb to deceit again. For them, it’s the easier and more familiar path to take. The second example is the unfaithful spouse who makes an eternal promise to stop cheating. Given the right opportunity and presented with the right person, they may one day find that they are attracted again - physically or emotionally – to someone other than their wife or husband. Both personas are unable to change based on past experiences or behaviors. What they do is adapt to circumstances, whether it is an ultimatum given to a spouse who commits infidelity or a parent’s threat in the case of a teenager who lies continuously. Hostility and doubt are being cast at them from all directions. In response, they may take on a quieter tone, become eager to please or want to constantly interact with the individual that they have disappointed. In turn, this may or may not change the other person’s perception of them.
Confusing, but it does make sense. Change is inevitable and ever-present. But if you are convinced that you can change a person or that a person will change for you, think again. It’s not going to happen anytime soon. My best advice. Do your homework before becoming seriously involved with or marrying someone, hiring someone, engaging into a friendship with someone and so on. I said I would never do this, but I have to give props to Forest Gump. He said it best. “Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you are going to get.” Just make sure that when you unwrap it, you don’t want to change it.
Monday, March 12, 2007
A Thoughtful FYI
This morning I listened intently as a local radio station talk show described how a woman in Nevada went ape after her husband told her that she should lose a few pounds. Yes, she was arrested for assault after she literally whipped her beau. The weapon of choice? A metal whisk. You know...the kind you use for beating eggheads; I mean eggs. Now, what she did was very wrong, and I don't believe in violence being an answer to any of life's woes. But I do believe in taking all necessary safety precautions in protecting oneself. So men, I urge you to read this post. It could literally save your life.
Seven Things Women DON’T Want to Hear
1. “You look nice.”
Nice? Gosh, don’t go overboard. Open up Webster’s boys. If you’re going to tell us we look “nice”, why not use a power-packed synonym. Tell us we look enjoyable, pleasant or better yet skillful. Yes, they all mean the same thing as nice. Complimentary, huh? Want your leading lady to melt before your eyes? Make strong focal contact with her and in a seductive, “you take my breath away” voice, try something like “Baby, you look incredible.” Don’t worry. Despite what you have heard, women love to be called baby.
2. “You’re not ready, yet?”
If you dare ask that question, you better be wearing a good set of earplugs. Here’s a little secret. Mentally, most women can be ready in an instant. But when it comes to the physical side of things, and especially our appearance, we sometimes second guess ourselves – spending hours trying to decide what blouse to wear, how to style our hair and comparing shades of lipstick to the color of our shoes. If you find yourself still waiting for her to get ready, try a subtle approach. Let her know that you are ready whenever she is and that you’re going to catch the start of the basketball game on TV while you are waiting. Believe me. A little competition from your favorite sport or a Baywatch rerun will have her out the door before you can find the remote.
3. “That’s not how my mother makes it.”
This is where Lara Croft bursts out from behind the stove and shears your arm off. You see, women never want to be compared to the Queen. We all know how important mom is and that nobody on the planet can shake it in the kitchen like her. But if your gal is thoughtful enough to prepare an intimate dinner for the two of you, the least you can do is put a lid on it. You never know. Her flair in the kitchen just might surprise you. A compliment might even earn you a special spot underneath her apron. Hmmm….
4. “I’m sorry, I forget today was our anniversary. I’ll make it up to you.”
My best advice: Be prepared to show her a doctor’s note that verifies that absent mindness really is an illness. Okay, okay. Men have always been blasted for not being very truthful. Many uphold that nothing justifies lying. I agree that honesty is indeed the best policy. But there are those moments when telling the truth might terminate your entire existence and this is definitely one of them. NEVER, EVER admit to a woman that you forgot something as important as your anniversary – whether it’s been one-week, one-month or one-year that you are celebrating couplehood. You will not be forgiven. Even if we say its okay, somewhere down the road you can be certain that it will be used against you. If time permits, plan something special for later that evening. Pick up a beautiful bouquet of Rafael roses on your way home. Light a candle, break open a bottle of champagne and run a bubble bath for two. Include a handwritten note that tells her how much she means to you. At all costs, try to rectify the situation without admitting you forgot. For the love of god, I beg of you.
5. “You’re wearing that?”
Yes, end of subject.
6. “I can’t. I’m going out with the guys tonight.”
Yes, you are entitled to a guy’s night out. That’s not the problem. The problem is we want to feel like we are at the center of your universe. So, if something really important comes up on guy’s night out, make it a point to be there. There will be another guy’s night out. You might even check in advance to see if she’s planned anything. If not, ask her if she is okay with you going out with the guys on that night. No, you don’t need her permission. And women know that. It just shows your consideration for her.
7. “I don’t like your friends.”
This is a tough one. You see, her friends have always been there - through the thick and the thin. They’ve seen her through the worst of the worst and the best of the best. You may not like her friends, they may not like you. BUT you do have one thing in common. You all care about her. So, try to be civil, even if it means breaking out the duck tape to keep quiet. And if you can’t keep it in anymore, discuss your concerns in a quiet, civil manner with the lady in your life. She may or may not agree, but at least everything will be out in the open.
Seven Things Women DON’T Want to Hear
1. “You look nice.”
Nice? Gosh, don’t go overboard. Open up Webster’s boys. If you’re going to tell us we look “nice”, why not use a power-packed synonym. Tell us we look enjoyable, pleasant or better yet skillful. Yes, they all mean the same thing as nice. Complimentary, huh? Want your leading lady to melt before your eyes? Make strong focal contact with her and in a seductive, “you take my breath away” voice, try something like “Baby, you look incredible.” Don’t worry. Despite what you have heard, women love to be called baby.
2. “You’re not ready, yet?”
If you dare ask that question, you better be wearing a good set of earplugs. Here’s a little secret. Mentally, most women can be ready in an instant. But when it comes to the physical side of things, and especially our appearance, we sometimes second guess ourselves – spending hours trying to decide what blouse to wear, how to style our hair and comparing shades of lipstick to the color of our shoes. If you find yourself still waiting for her to get ready, try a subtle approach. Let her know that you are ready whenever she is and that you’re going to catch the start of the basketball game on TV while you are waiting. Believe me. A little competition from your favorite sport or a Baywatch rerun will have her out the door before you can find the remote.
3. “That’s not how my mother makes it.”
This is where Lara Croft bursts out from behind the stove and shears your arm off. You see, women never want to be compared to the Queen. We all know how important mom is and that nobody on the planet can shake it in the kitchen like her. But if your gal is thoughtful enough to prepare an intimate dinner for the two of you, the least you can do is put a lid on it. You never know. Her flair in the kitchen just might surprise you. A compliment might even earn you a special spot underneath her apron. Hmmm….
4. “I’m sorry, I forget today was our anniversary. I’ll make it up to you.”
My best advice: Be prepared to show her a doctor’s note that verifies that absent mindness really is an illness. Okay, okay. Men have always been blasted for not being very truthful. Many uphold that nothing justifies lying. I agree that honesty is indeed the best policy. But there are those moments when telling the truth might terminate your entire existence and this is definitely one of them. NEVER, EVER admit to a woman that you forgot something as important as your anniversary – whether it’s been one-week, one-month or one-year that you are celebrating couplehood. You will not be forgiven. Even if we say its okay, somewhere down the road you can be certain that it will be used against you. If time permits, plan something special for later that evening. Pick up a beautiful bouquet of Rafael roses on your way home. Light a candle, break open a bottle of champagne and run a bubble bath for two. Include a handwritten note that tells her how much she means to you. At all costs, try to rectify the situation without admitting you forgot. For the love of god, I beg of you.
5. “You’re wearing that?”
Yes, end of subject.
6. “I can’t. I’m going out with the guys tonight.”
Yes, you are entitled to a guy’s night out. That’s not the problem. The problem is we want to feel like we are at the center of your universe. So, if something really important comes up on guy’s night out, make it a point to be there. There will be another guy’s night out. You might even check in advance to see if she’s planned anything. If not, ask her if she is okay with you going out with the guys on that night. No, you don’t need her permission. And women know that. It just shows your consideration for her.
7. “I don’t like your friends.”
This is a tough one. You see, her friends have always been there - through the thick and the thin. They’ve seen her through the worst of the worst and the best of the best. You may not like her friends, they may not like you. BUT you do have one thing in common. You all care about her. So, try to be civil, even if it means breaking out the duck tape to keep quiet. And if you can’t keep it in anymore, discuss your concerns in a quiet, civil manner with the lady in your life. She may or may not agree, but at least everything will be out in the open.
Sunday, March 11, 2007
My Very First Blog!
Hi Everyone!
Welcome to my blog, which I have appropriately titled, "Crystal Clear Perceptions," because every now and then I like to give my take on something, like global warming or evolution or how a computer knows when to reset its clock for Daylight Saving Time. Really, how does it know? Is there a little gremlin inside that comes alive twice a year to tinker with Microsoft's internal workings? Does the government truly have us all by the satellite leash and at the click of a button can change time? Sounds crazy, huh? But this topic has mystified me for years, so much so that I asked my husband that very same question last night. Now usually he can answer any question that I throw his way. That is one of the reasons why I married him (other than the fact that he has an incredible physique, gorgeous blue eyes and is probably the only one who can put up with me long-term!). Brownie points? Who, me? :-) Seriously, he is quite the knowledge bank. He calls it "useless knowledge." I call it sexy and very impressive. This time, however, when I asked him about the computer thing, he let out a long sigh and replied, "I don't know." Great. Me and my excessive compulsive behavior will have to go on a bit longer wondering why.
Speaking of Daylight Saving Time... What the heckola?!?!?! For those of us who have trouble sleeping because our minds are like 24-hour Wal-Marts - they never close - Daylight Saving Time is worse than running out of coffee or trying to reach a customer service rep who actually wants to help. It really disrupts the natural balance of life and it's all for what, an hour. Please. It would seem to me that more energy is wasted when there are more hours of daylight, because more people would be apt to keep working, driving, playing and so on, which all uses an incredible amount of juice and slowly eats away the environment. Now, on the flip side, there are those of you who will contend that more daylight means fewer lights being turned on. I say to you - buy energy efficient lightbulbs. But that's just my two cents. I will survive this March Forward.
For those of you who don't know me, I love to write. It is my passion, my greatest love (other than my family) and a way to escape the daily humdrum of life. Writing also happens to be my job. This past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity of editing a children's book about learning the true meaning of destiny. What a story! The first time I read through it, I thought, "Wow!" I can't wait until it hits the shelves and I am able to pass the title along to you. Right now, however, my lips are sealed by a confidentiality agreement. My next project is a freelance article on vacations. I was given a tight deadline (what else is new), but it's worth it.
I can't forget to mention one of my daily responsibilities, WikiAnswers.com, which is now part of the wonderful and amazing Answers.com family. I had been a Supervisor (editor and sysop) since November of 2005 and was recently promoted to Community Administrator (managing editor). If you have never visited the site, I recommend that you take a moment and log on. The basic concept is wiki-style FAQs, where anyone can ask a question and anyone can provide a new answer, improve an existing answer or make a general comment. Since becoming part of Answers, the community has been growing by leaps and bounds. I'm am so proud to be a part of the success.
Until next time, stay well, keep fit and save a tree. :-)
Crystal
Welcome to my blog, which I have appropriately titled, "Crystal Clear Perceptions," because every now and then I like to give my take on something, like global warming or evolution or how a computer knows when to reset its clock for Daylight Saving Time. Really, how does it know? Is there a little gremlin inside that comes alive twice a year to tinker with Microsoft's internal workings? Does the government truly have us all by the satellite leash and at the click of a button can change time? Sounds crazy, huh? But this topic has mystified me for years, so much so that I asked my husband that very same question last night. Now usually he can answer any question that I throw his way. That is one of the reasons why I married him (other than the fact that he has an incredible physique, gorgeous blue eyes and is probably the only one who can put up with me long-term!). Brownie points? Who, me? :-) Seriously, he is quite the knowledge bank. He calls it "useless knowledge." I call it sexy and very impressive. This time, however, when I asked him about the computer thing, he let out a long sigh and replied, "I don't know." Great. Me and my excessive compulsive behavior will have to go on a bit longer wondering why.
Speaking of Daylight Saving Time... What the heckola?!?!?! For those of us who have trouble sleeping because our minds are like 24-hour Wal-Marts - they never close - Daylight Saving Time is worse than running out of coffee or trying to reach a customer service rep who actually wants to help. It really disrupts the natural balance of life and it's all for what, an hour. Please. It would seem to me that more energy is wasted when there are more hours of daylight, because more people would be apt to keep working, driving, playing and so on, which all uses an incredible amount of juice and slowly eats away the environment. Now, on the flip side, there are those of you who will contend that more daylight means fewer lights being turned on. I say to you - buy energy efficient lightbulbs. But that's just my two cents. I will survive this March Forward.
For those of you who don't know me, I love to write. It is my passion, my greatest love (other than my family) and a way to escape the daily humdrum of life. Writing also happens to be my job. This past weekend I had the wonderful opportunity of editing a children's book about learning the true meaning of destiny. What a story! The first time I read through it, I thought, "Wow!" I can't wait until it hits the shelves and I am able to pass the title along to you. Right now, however, my lips are sealed by a confidentiality agreement. My next project is a freelance article on vacations. I was given a tight deadline (what else is new), but it's worth it.
I can't forget to mention one of my daily responsibilities, WikiAnswers.com, which is now part of the wonderful and amazing Answers.com family. I had been a Supervisor (editor and sysop) since November of 2005 and was recently promoted to Community Administrator (managing editor). If you have never visited the site, I recommend that you take a moment and log on. The basic concept is wiki-style FAQs, where anyone can ask a question and anyone can provide a new answer, improve an existing answer or make a general comment. Since becoming part of Answers, the community has been growing by leaps and bounds. I'm am so proud to be a part of the success.
Until next time, stay well, keep fit and save a tree. :-)
Crystal
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